Just a thought

I had surgery on Thursday and boy am I in pain. My doctor/surgeon said I would be back on my feet the same day. What a lie. I have been in bed ever since Thursday. I have been walking around the house. Today, my lovely sister took me out for lunch. I was so happy just to get out for a short period of time.

To keep busy and from going crazy, I've been working on school stuff. I'm working on my Masters and I'm taking 9 hours this summer. I'm almost done. I have three finals to take and a few assignments that I need to turn in. I've also watched several movies. I've seen Mysterious Skin, The Motorcycle Diaries, Transamerica, and Under the Tuscan Sun. My favorite was The Motorcycle Diaries. I didn't finish watching Transamerica because I couldn't get into it.

Until tomorrow...

Busy week ahead

I have a busy week ahead of me:

1. I had three dental appointments on Monday.
2. I pre registered at the hospital for my surgery on Thursday.
3. Wednesday I have two appointments to exam mine and Jeremy eyes.
4. Thursday I have surgery in the morning.
5. I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday.
6. I also need to take my truck in on Wednesday to get the left back bumper fix.
7. I have a presentation this week.
8. Two papers that are due this week.
9. An interview that I have to conduct and write up a transcript for.
10. And three finals that I need to get ready for next week.
11. I also have two follow up appointments at the dentist's office on Friday.

I wonder what next week will look like.

Life Events

I’m a very complicated person and because of that some days are enchanted with happiness, irritability, or frustration. I’m always trying to do too much. I can’t help it, it’s just my nature. I don’t waste time feeling sorry for myself, so don’t worry. I like having fun and being carefree but for me that doesn’t come so easily. It’s almost beyond my control. At times I feel as if I carry the world on my shoulders. Why am I going on and on? I guess it’s because of a death in the family and when I loose someone close to me or someone I admired regardless of the relationship, I look for clarification about life and look for answers. I try to cover the conflicts within, conceal the feelings of the moment but all I managed to do is somehow detach myself from the world around me. I cope by balancing my life with discipline and taking control because it’s the only way I know how to stay on track and avoid an emotional crash.

Does anyone else like the Glenn Beck Show?

I love it.
CNN Headline News: GLENN BECK
7 p.m. ET daily

Reflection

I do not need to learn about depression from the pages of a book. I have had my own.
The solitary torment of a depressed mind eludes any attempt to make it apprehensible to those who have not experienced it. And even for those of us who have endured those desolate months or years, no matter the generalized similarities of the depression, each of us has suffered uniquely and alone. Neither vivid description nor the empathy of others can pierce the darkness of the long night.
And yet, after depression lifts, it can only be remembered but not retrieved--thank God it cannot be retrieved! Just as physical pain loses its intense reality once it has been eased, the anguish of profound melancholia evades even the most determined attempts at clear perception when its dreadful grip has relaxed.--Sherwin Nuland

Interesting. I couldn't have said it better.

Drinks and a conversation about sex....

Yesterday I was having drinks will a few good friends. One is getting divorce and we were talking about some of the troubles and conflicts she had to endure over the last ten years. One was sex. She said that during those ten long years she was the one that had to start the process with her husband and that usually she had to do all the work. She also mentioned that she was often turned down by her husband. At that point I think my mouth dropped open. I was speechless for about a minute. I told her that I was sorry and that she had no idea how good sex could be. Can you believe it?

I just couldn't believe it. I have never had sex with a person who didn't worship my body during sex. By no means would I ever say that I have a fabulous body but I do know that when you are with someone that likes or loves you as a person your body shape does not matter and sex should be "Oh my GOD" with both giving and receiving.

Any time that I'm not with the kids you can bet that Steve has them. Sometimes he will meet me at the house and stay until I get home and a lot of the time he will just stay over. Anyways, I was undressing and getting ready to go to bed when I noticed him just staring at me. Of course he is giving me that look. He tells me how beautiful I am and tells me that he can be ready to go at the first sight of me. He tells me all the time that he loves my body and that he thinks I'm beautiful. I swear I try to hate him, but how can I when he is the sweetest person in the world. Finally, I give in and tell him to just come here and fuck me hard. So he did and it was "Oh my God".

My friend is young and beautiful. Mocha skin, tall, slender, smart and I can go on and on. Her husband has no idea how bad he fucked up. It too bad! And I hope my friend has fabulous "fucking" sex.

Counting Crows and Steve

Counting Crows, They’re coming to the Woodlands in September and I can’t wait. I love the Counting Crows! I think their music is on the bitter-sweet side but that’s why I love them. Although, their music can be sad, it’s simple and honest. I like honesty and I can appreciate when people show emotions and energy in their work. When I listen to their music it makes me think about my surroundings and where my life is at this point. It’s not always easy. I take every opportunity to make sure I reflect on the things that are significant in my life.

So with all that said, I would like to take this opportunity to thank someone very dear in my life. I would like to thank Steve for being my best friend and for being such a great father to our children. I want to thank him for allowing me to be honest about who I am and for loving me unconditionally. Thanks for giving me the space and the opportunity to figure out who I am and knowing that for me it’s an on going process.

Jeremy

Cute! Right? I think so.

On Saturday, Steve, Justin, Jeremy and myself went to the Astor's game. We had so much fun. In the picture above, Jeremy my youngest son caught a home run practice ball. He was so excited! He told me catching a ball was his mission for the day and he did it. I think it's neat!

I can't sleep!

I can’t sleep! I haven’t been able to sleep for about a week. I get some sleep but not much. I think I’m going to give up drinking. I’m not sure for how long. A day. A week. Let’s see how long I will last without a drink. I think I mostly want to give it up because I really want to loose for weight. I’m down about 26 pounds but I am far from where I want to be. I would love to loose another 10 before I go back to work.

One way highway

Tell me how can a man and a woman have a relationship that is managed and driven only by one member of the relationship (the male)? What happened to “friends” with benefits? When it’s mostly causal do we have to give up dinners, drinks, or hanging out? And sex! Why is it a one-way street? Why can’t it be a mutual agreement? Enough sex to satisfy both parties. Fuck the one-way street! I guess most people would think that I am one who is looking for a serious relationship. Not really, I'm just looking for one that has mutual respect for one another. A relationship where both parties can be dependable. A relationship that I can actually call the other a friend. I know that my current obligations are not ideal for a long-term relationship or a real commitment because my children need and depend on me. And I know that the unusual circumstances surrounding my oldest son really don’t allow me to have a fair chance. I think the last relationship that I was in (like all the rest) was a bad mix of funk! I was stupid! But I’m moving on with my head up and putting it behind me. I do think I need therapy. The one thing that sucks about all of this is the fact that I will have to postpone trying a blowjob technique that I read about on a very popular web site.

Careful! Comment if you like but remember to be kind.