Pause and listen to your instincts and feelings about your relationship as you engage in activities together. If you are feeling unsafe, overly criticized, or very anxious, it is important to pay attention and not make excuses or justifications for your partner’s poor behavior. Are there behavior patterns that the two of you can discuss and change? Or is this behavior an entrenched pattern, and therefore, change is unlikely? Then you will need to consider ending the relationship.
Think about these key points:
•Falling in love makes it easy for judgment to be affected and to be blind to a partner's problems
•It takes at least 3 months to get to know someone and their deep-seated patterns, so it's best for relationships to slow down
•Knowing another person requires seeing him/her in action
•Mutual self-disclosure and intimacy require gradual building of trust and cannot be rushed
•Couples need to share many core values and life goals, as well as some personality qualities and lifestyle preferences
•Observe that you become a better person by being with your partner
•Be great friends
••There is significant mutual respect and a willingness to forgive
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Observe how your partner treats strangers •Observe the types of friends your partner spends time with regularly
•Observe the behavior and communication patterns in your partner's family
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Ensure your partner has a highly developed conscience that guides his/her personal choices and ensures that he/she thinks of others instead of being self-centered •Be able to effectively meet each other's needs
•Be capable of and willing to practice commitment
